If you’re sensitive or uptight at all please don’t read any further. If you know me really well no topic I bring up will really shock you so continue on.
I always think it’s funny to see what bumper stickers people put on their car and try to imagine how important this must be to 1) permanently place it on your car and 2) let everyone in the world know. Normally I have no idea what it means or where someone’s kid is an honor student or their dog is smarter than one.
But yesterday I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating (note person driving the car was a woman for more context). The bumper sticker read: MY SON WILL TONGUE PUNCH YOUR MOM’S FARTBOX. Huh? Wipe my eyes and read again. Yes that is correct.
So let’s break it down. First the disturbing part – and it’s not what you think. I’m a “not for me but whatever floats your boat as long as it’s legal/not hurting someone person”. I was disturbed thinking there is a mother out there that really hopes her son will tongue punches your mother’s fartbox (come on its fun to say)? The phrase has the word will in it so you know it’s going to happen.
I would pay a million dollars to see this woman pull up in the carpool line at school. She must be thinking “I’ll show those honor students”. How come mothers like this never dropped their kids of at St. Joseph? It would have made school so much more interesting.
Now the confusing part. Is she saying this to anyone with a mother – i.e. an open invitation? If yes, then she forgot the phone number (yes I’m disturbed as well but we established that at the beginning of the post). Or was this some kind of message to her son’s girlfriend, her friends? If it’s her friend’s than she may have to add the word grandmother as well. Hmmm. Does she know if her son is really good at this and that is why she is bragging? Or is it a way to humiliate her kids for something they’ve done wrong? She’s tried grounding them, no phone, computer etc. all to no avail. This is her final attempt to figure out how to punish them? Brilliant. Either way it was a real mind bender trying to figure out why this bumper sticker was on her car.
Finally I thought to myself maybe it’s just the name of her Kid’s band. That makes more sense. If not I think it would make a killer name for a heavy metal group or a rap song. Just saying.